Friday, April 15, 2016

what means the world to you?

loyalty && respect are the two most important elements to me. 

not to be confused with my most important tangible objects, people, or responsibilities. i read everyone && pay attention to things you wouldn't. i have an eye for observing && a knack for uncovering things people tend or try to hide. i study EVERY ONE. i like to know as much information as possible about someone, and i gather this information just from reading you. you spill out a lot about yourself with every movement you take && every comment you make. the type of clothes you wear and car you drive say a lot about yourself all the way down to what type of shoes you wear and whether or not they are kept clean.

it's not right to make judgments, but get real-- it's human nature && what we all do! upon my initial first impression of you, i set a judgment on you. then i leave it up to you to disprove that judgment. do you? more than half of them times, no. i'm almost always right && when i'm wrong, i accept that. in fact, i like it when i'm wrong because it makes my last thread of hope that there are still amazing people in this world that consider loyalty and respect as important as i do.

one thing i won't do is ever desert people.. it has been done to me recently and it is a never ending worry that you may never talk to them again or ever find out what happened. Never desert your friends. the best we can hope for are good, honest companions. They stick by you through thick and thin and won't judge you based on your crazy family. life is better the first time around. often imitated, never duplicated. The original is always the best... but the worst enemies you'll face are those you bring with you.

i always go with my gut feeling. it never fails. when i sense a shady motherfucker, i'll be the first to watch the person on all he or she does. i won't call him or her out though. why? cus i like to see how far people think they can go. this goes for people who try to lie to me.. it's amusing. like i'm really that stupid && don't know. i've been turned onto a lot of the scandalous and manipulative ways people can turn down.. and won't for any thing in the world let my guard down. i always expect the worse from people.. and when they prove their best, that's when i let them in my circle.. but just because they got pass the outlying blockades doesn't mean they are into my circle of besties. they have to prove themselves more than twice. i'm a picky eater, but even more of a picky friend chooser and an even worse dater.

&& i'm not saying this to be cocky, but i am one DAMN good friend to have. i am down for all my girls. i will do anything to put a smile on their face. i don't steal, lie, or cheat when it comes to the ones i love. i am very knowledgeable on how scandalous people can and will be, this is why i never let my guard down.. because i have before and only got hurt in the end.

perhaps i'm just a cynical bitch.. i doubt it but then again if i were, why am i always proven right?

xox fee

Wednesday, April 13, 2016


i haven't updated in a very long time. Sorry to all my readers, i know you've been patiently waiting. I've gotten numerous mesgs asking where ive been. With a drastic spur of the moment move across the state of Illinois and a handful of new relationships, i've been super busy to say the least.

But the main reason is i have been out of internet access, but thankfully have been able to write some posts on Microsoft word & save them to my laptop. So stay tuned for a bombardment of blogs any day i get my lazy ass up to the library to copy + paste them here.

I feel so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions running wild in every which way direction when i don't write. Its like therapy for me. Even though i'm talking to no one, it feels like i'm releasing my thoughts. And believe it or not, i kind of come up with my own advice to myself after i'm done reading my blogs. insane? Possibly so.

this is your warning.

enter if you dare.

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Self Reflection

this year has opened my eyes to so much, i do not even know where to begin. i am just so much happier, so much more .. free. i feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i am finally that person i've been dying to be. last year was full of setting goals, and wanting them-- but not having the motivation nor the finances to meet them. it's like Tracy DiMarco explains .. "it's like my dream dress. i see it in the window, i want it so bad.. but when i reach out to grab it-- i just can't.." word for word what my year last year was like.

When I began dating my new boyfriend, I was more determined than ever to get my shit together. I wanted to start off by finding my self-respect, and my self-confidence. With that being said, I created a post on listing things i love about myself. i will make a list on both mental/emotional things I love, and physical things I love. Then things I dislike about myself. Both emotional and physical as well. My point is to list everything out-- get it all in print. Then one by one start finding solutions to things i dislike about myself, and to eventually have nothing to list under that list. I know I'm hoping for a lot but hey, we got to start somewhere right? =]

** i recommend any of my readers to really do this as well. you might think it's ridiculous, but when you actually read things you like or hate about yourself-- it's as if it hits you that much harder. maybe it's just me. **

((disclaimer: now girls, this cannot be something you know you can't change. for instance, your nose or the size of your chest. plastic surgery is not a solution i want you to pursue. && if you think it is, then truly ask yourself who you're doing it for and why you want it done?))

i am focusing on gaining more self esteem as I have recently come to the conclusion that I fall into bad habits because of the way I view myself. I am trying to think of new ways to improve my views, and one of them being the creation of this blog. obviously, i'm the first in noticing negative things on myself. i criticize myself so much so often, and i desperately want/need to just stop it! i should be more than grateful for everything i do and have.. here is my list, i think every girl should do one-- so you better get started. :D

1. i love the fact that i am a people person. i can get along with just about any one, my personality is so diverse. I am great at entertaining, putting a genuine smile on someone's face is such a rewarding feeling. i can make even the grumpiest of people laugh.. even if it is a laughing AT me laugh.. ;)

2. i love that i am the first person to offer the shirt off my back to the ones i love, and the ones that i think deserve it. i don't mind sharing my last piece of gum nor giving the last pair of $100.00 Cha Cha knee-high boots (i so desperately wanted forever until I saved up enough to get them) to the teenage girl going to her first costume high school party this year.. why? because it puts a smile on their face. As stated above, that truly warms my heart.

3. i love that i am able to differentiate between people who appreciate my generosity and people who take my kindness for weakness & try to take advantage of me without thinking i notice. i have a knack for reading people down to their cores. This isn't always the case, and sometimes I allow people to do so because I feel for them, and know it's not hurting me to help them even if they are taking advantage -- but that never lasts very long.

4. I love that I wake up super positive!

Now what I want is for all of my readers to do the same. You will be surprised with what you may find out about yourself. You will begin to realize "hey, I do have some killer legs. Maybe I'll sport those capri pants I've been neglecting." or "hey, i can get a job--and will refuse to let my background define who I am, whether in my eye's or in my future employer's eyes."

Go do it ladies!!

-Fee xx